It all happened one night hanging out a R.D.V., when he introduced himself . I’ve never been interested in athletes. But, this one seemed to  be very sweet and definitely sexy. We started out with texting each other and talking on the phone. Bit by bit I found out that he was all man. Without me telling him anything about myself, he was making all the moves I like. Sexy texts and compliments are his specialty. When we would meet up, he was very respectful but sexual. I liked the way he touched me and how he took control; never abusing the power I gave him. I was taking my time with him. I wanted to make sure he was the right one to break my no sex vow.  I wanted to open my legs to someone who knew what he was doing. Also, I wanted a man with a personality that was compatible to mine. New York hadn’t been a disappoint yet. I wasn’t going to start off in a new city, getting involved in a bad situation with a horrible lay.  The first night he dropped me off after hanging out, he kissed me and  held me in his arms.  I’ve learned to appreciate a good kisser. That’s one of the signs of a good man. His kiss should make a woman’s knees shake.

I felt  comfortable with him.  He made me feel so beautiful and attractive. It was easy talking to him about what I liked sexually. He loved my curvy body.  I trusted him enough to send those secret dirty pics that he likes.He was the fist thing on my mind when I woke up. And, the last person I spoke with before I went to sleep at night. I made him wait long enough to make love. Besides, I was so horny. It had been almost a month since the king went back to Florida. And, I couldn’t keep holding on to him and torturing myself . My new new, was a major temptation He was smoothly talking me out of my panties. I wasn’t holding out any longer. I agreed to meet him for that special night. He never really bragged about his sex game. I didn’t know what to expect from a Brooklyn dude. Now, I had never been to Brooklyn before I met him. But , I heard the stories about these rough barbarians. How was I to know I was messing with one of it’s kings.

When he finally got me alone and naked, his took control just the way a man was suppose to. I love when a man tells me how to please him. I want to make sure I’m doing it right to keep him coming back. His naked body got me so wet. His dark muscles and his tattoos made me submit to his will.  I couldn’t tease him any longer.  I was his and he had me under his control.  Damn, his thrust was so powerful like a champion. I watched him perform in the mirrors on the ceiling and walls surrounding the bed. It was like watching our own private movie. It was my chance to act out my porn star fantasy. I studied those movies and now it was time for me to practice what I learned. He wouldn’t let me close my eyes. He wanted me to watch what he was doing to me. How he was stroking me so deep. I had to cry out , scratch ,and claw. I’ve always liked when a man whispers in my ear  when he makes love to me.

He wouldn’t stop. He was going to make sure I knew he was a king. He made me declare him my new conqueror. And, he was willing to put in the hours to gain that title.  After an hour of the most passionate aggressive sex, my pussy gave me no other choice but to surrender to a new ruler. “Am I the new king?”  He asked. “Yes!” I screamed. The flash backs this man causes. I can be walking down the street and all of sudden, I start trembling. Yes, that’s when you know you had that good dick. After we made love, he is still just as sweet as he was before. I smile every time he texts me. I find myself anxious to see him. He is a good mix of street and class. He is educated and super intelligent; But he still gives me that roughness when I need it.

I’m too caught up in learning Manhattan to say I’m falling in love. This city has changed the game completely. And, I still have feelings for my lover back in Florida. My heart still skips a beat when ever I think about him. But, my new home is Brooklyn. All hale the new king.

Finally, I’m out dating. I’m feeling good with the guys I’ve allowed in my life. I’m enjoying their company. I think they feel the same way since we talk on the regular. Still, I haven’t let anyone in my bedroom yet. I’m going through a crazy phase of not desiring sex. It’s weird and unusual for me. The men I’m dating are really attractive. They assured me that I would be pleasured, if I invite them over.  Yes, I’m sure, I’ll like it. They are the sweetest men. So I know I won’t be disappointed with whom ever I chose. I‘m a sexual woman with a vast erotic imagination; I dream sensual fantasies walking down the street.  But, I haven’t made any attempts to make love to some lucky man.

Even though I’m taking a sex pause, I’m still making sure the body is looking tight.  The kegel exercises, are in full effect. I still keep my ritual for silky smooth skin. I still wear my pretty panties. This is a just a small vacation to make sure that my new lover is just as good as the one I left behind. I never want to go back to where I was before I met the king. I want to live in happiness every day. He set a high standard.

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won’t all go the way it should
     But I know the heart of life is good~John Mayer

I know now, that I’m all woman. Because, I’ve realized since I’ve been in this city, I love for a man to be affectionate towards me. I’ve met several men, briefly we talk; and without any intimacy at all, they show major concern for me. I receive text after text, to make sure I’m in the house safely after a night out on the town.  I’ve been around enough schemers to know if it’s sincere or not. And it’s been genuine.

This city surprises me, the amount of gentleman running these streets. They approach me sweetly and take me out on the town for a night of drinks and dancing. And, after a wonderful evening together, they walk me to my door, to make sure I’m in safely. They are protective, warm and considerate.  And, I love that. Yes I confess it, I love for a man to act all protective over me. And the funny thing is, the more manly and respectful they act, the more feminine and sweet I become. It’s like total reverse Psychology on this hardcore, take care of myself, I’m just as strong as you are, feminist woman.  Not once, have I felt like a piece of meat. Not once, have I been degraded and talk down to. I’ve been shown so much care and appreciation. I haven’t had to raise my voice since I’ve been here.  I’m not angry or on the defensive. And the ones I allow to touch me at all, they are so gentle.They hold my hand and wrap their strong arms around me. It’s feels good

Who would’ve thought, I the strongest woman, that never wears my feelings on my sleeve;  would become so submissive and loving towards men. I want to be cared about and respected from the first meeting. That very first contact and interaction, I want him to dream of holding my soft body close and sheltering me from the world.  It’s a blessing to be a woman. And it’s truly extraordinary when a man sees you as a precious gift, that needs to be defended, caressed, and loved.

  Call me crazy, but the influence of all my close friends being in healthy, genuine, relationships with people that really love them; is starting to wear off on me. After my previous lingering relationship, I realized I enjoy belonging to someone. It just has to be the right someone. I know that I’m not the easiest girl to be with because I’m really a different kind of woman. Most of us women say that, but it’s fact, that I am.  What I’m asking for , it’s going to take a man with a strong sense of self , to deal with me. I love having my roomie Danny in my life, but I’m ready to be on my own again, with my own place, and my own man. I swear, the king really did something extraordinary to me. Danny has finally found a love of his own. I’m happy for him. He listened to my advice and found a girl that was a perfect match for him. Now, I’m ready again to do the same.

However, even though I’m looking for a man, I’m not into rushing anything. I’ve been through some horrible incompatible matches, I got to be with  a men who can give me what I want; excitement, passion, luxury, and hot outstanding SEX all the time! I’m not a gold digger, but my lifestyle ain’t cheap, whether I’m paying for it or someone else is. I can’t be with another boring man after dating the king. He was so spontaneous. He would call me out of no where and whisk me off to an exotic location. Sometimes, we would pull over on the side of the road at night, and he would fuck me right on top of his Mercedes. I can’t stress enough the sex has to be unbelievable.  The only way to trap this wild beast is with the right weaponry. I need a dude to grab me up and wear my back out.  That’s why I’m not trying to have sex with a man lately. I want my cooch to be its most potent . When I let it simmer in it’s cage for a while, then release it; It can take a man out with one stroke! Haha My shit is legendary!

Seriously, I will admit my best sex is when I’m in love. And I like to be with one man I can trust, because I can unleash my real freak. Like, sending him naked pictures all day and telling how much I want him. Or, when he is out with the boys, I’ll send him a pic of my kitty as a reminder it belongs to  him. You can’t do that kind of stuff with a fuck buddy. You can’t trust just any dude to keep your freak a secret. And if you’re a professional corporate woman, that kind of exposure could ruin your career. I don’t need my employer finding out I was screwing in the bathroom stall in a restaurant. Also, I like it when he hits my spots and I scream out “fuck your pussy baby! Yea only your dick can fuck this pussy!” Now, you can’t say that kind of ownership phrase to any man. Do you know how that plays with a man’s mind? If you don’t mean it and he finds out, he might try to kill you! Words are effective, let me tell yeah! You can’t play with people’s emotions without risking getting hurt.

Also, I don’t believe in having unprotected sex with a fuck buddy. You have to be careful these days because you never know who else a casual lover could be sleeping with.  I want good sex without paying with my life.

I really enjoy being in love more than I ever thought I would. I like giving myself to one man and doing things to make him happy. I like saying,”this is my man.”  I want him to be on my mind all day. Then, I run home to him so he can give me that good dick! Damn! What was I thinking, letting go of my perfect relationship? I haven’t stop crying since I left Florida almost 2 months ago.  I went from making love 2 to 3 times a day to wonderful lonely Manhattan nights. Yes the men here are all over me. But, my pussy keeps reminding me, none of them can compare.  I hope one day I’ll be able to say again, “ This belongs to you.”

I

I walk in the room

and every room has a catwalk

The voices whisper

I hear the kitties

Talk

And you listen

watching

 with curiosity

Wondering

if that body

Is really all me

You know those titties are fake

Or maybe it’s just a bra

You know the ass is too

I think I know her doctor

And you listen

watching

with curiosity

Wondering

if that body

is really all me

The chatter

deep,

soft,

high and low

You know she probably is

(With that dark skin and long weave)

a stripper or a

Ho

And you listen

watching

with curiosity

Do I have any education

occupation

or is some man paying for me?

Here you go with the approach and

persuasion

to get me home

cause you will search for the truth

once we are alone

And I laugh silently

because I know you were

watching

quietly

with curiosity

I kinda like it

Looking to be entertained

so I play dumb

ignorant to your game

I’ve had a couple drinks

and we hang with the same gang

You think you’re a real panty droppa

so I act naïve and blame it all on the Redbull and vodka

See young one

I been there before

You think you know it all

because your 24

Maybe a little bit older by a couple of years

What are we waiting for

Let’s get out of here

 We get back to your place

and it tickles me so

That sneaky “I’m a big boy” look on your face

as soon as we walk through the door

I let you attack me

and feel in control

but you have no idea who you’re

playing with once my clothes hit the floor

I let you explore

to see if all the stories were true

That those silly little kids have been telling you

And Omg!

Can you believe

To your surprise

You find out the dumb young girls didn’t  know shit

It was all a pack of lies

That ass was real

And them plump tities too

The shit was mad tight

My smile is big and bright

cause you just didn’t have a clue

Still playing along

I allow you to continue

Now its time for the interrogation

And that’s when you learned that I paid for my own education

My own car

My own home

I can afford it

because of my occupation

Its ok

Keep asking

It’s cool

The lesson

For

Today

assuming

makes you a fool

Its time to grow up and be an adult

Because of your insecurity

and behind my back you talked about me

I don’t want you

As a result

I’m a woman

All day long

365

I don’t get involved in

Recess

I grew up along time

ago and put all the shit aside

That’s the kind of man I’ll be with

A king who sits

High

Wise

alone on his throne

Not some immature lil boy

that I met in a night club

who takes the advice

Of adolescence scrubs

Mornings arrived

Its time for me to go

R.I.P. curiosity

Cause now you know

what’s true

Now be a good boy

run and tell the crew!

I was taught by the women I was surrounded by growing up, that a woman has her own household where she is queen. She keeps her love affairs private and doesn’t get others involved. She breaks off from her family, when she gets into a relationship. And that’s what I’ve always tried to do. I’ve wanted it to be just my man and I.  We have our home and life. We spend a lot of time alone together, to build a solid foundation of trust and security. Yes, family and friends are important. But, in the beginning of a relationship, they need to back off for a while, to give the relationship a chance to mature.

My mother taught me how to be independent and have my own. She gave me the tools I needed to go off in the world and build my own empire. She never wanted her only child to stay under her and miss out on personal growth. So that’s what I did. I went out into the world and built my own empire. I had enough jobs to support myself and take care of my household. I kept my family and friends at a distance and out of my business. I never kept a lot of girlfriends around to betray me and take what I worked for.  Things were pretty good for me, I was a young woman with her own.  I wanted to be the type of woman that a man would be with because I never let my mother and father, run my life. I never let girlfriends persuade me about my relationships.

However, I wasn’t prepared for the men that being alone attracted. You see, there is a dark side that independent woman need to know about. It’s those men who see a woman alone and distant from her family as weak and vulnerable. These men see her as an easy target for abuse and mistreatment. If her family is not around, that means she hasn’t been taught anything, she is insecure, and she can be easily dominated. No one cares about her. A man can come in and do whatever he wants.  He can be cruel and no one will believe her because he rescued her from the loneliness of her life. But who the FUCK said I was lonely? They thought that I must have low self- esteem because I’m a loner. They assumed that I would become co-dependent and always need them. Ladies, don’t ever fall victim to co-dependency. It’s like the worst illness a woman can suffer from. Your life continues to go down hill because of your fear of being alone.

This happened to me repeatedly. Some piece of shit, who assumed that I had a bad relationship with my family and I couldn’t keep friends. He thought, I can do whatever whenever to her. She isn’t going to do anything because I’m the only person she has. But no, I’ve always maintained a relationship with my family. And well, girlfriends, I tell them what I want them to know.  I wanted a relationship where the man and I, built an unbreakable bound together first before we invited people into our relationship. But, what I got involved with were insecure men who were looking for someone that had no other choice but to put up with their bullshit constantly. You know those kind of men that say shit like “Where are you going to go? Nobody wants you.” But my reply was, “My mother always told me, that the most important love I will ever know, is the love for myself. I want myself and that’s enough for me.” Or, they would use the line, “If you don’t do it, another woman will. And you’ll be alone.” My response, “I  was taught to love myself so much, that I can be by myself. So that other bitch can have your sorry ass!”

Us independent girls that leave home and don’t have our fathers around all the time, have to be more selective. Because I’ve dated a lot of possessive, controlling, schemers that weren’t looking for a companion; they were looking for someone who they can own and dominate by any means necessary. And in the absence of my parents, they thought I was definite yes. But, they fail to realize I was raised to think for myself, fight to the finish, be my own woman, and never let anyone run over me. Especially, no low life man! Independence is where it’s at!

I stayed up again until 3 a.m. I underestimated the need for affection and intimacy. But, I want that from a person my heart truly desires. Someone I have compatibility with sexually and mentally. We have to be the same kind of people with the identical ways.  I want a person that’s strong and confident like me. Who believes that I care about them and I would never betray them. It’s hard every second of the day, trying not to run back to the king. But, I’m losing faith that I can find a man like that ever again.  Someone that truthful, drama free, with high self-esteem is hard to come by.

I want a dude that I can call to go with me to the museums, the plays, the high class clubs, and the park with the dogs. Yep, I really want a dog lover. I want a man that will go hiking, cycling, and swimming. But at the same time, can get really nasty in the bedroom all night long. I say it all the time, I live for passion and erotica. A quiet lover, who considers me and my feelings before doing something stupid.I know, I know, It  sounds like I’m searching for another God.

I want to wake up to sex all over the house in the morning. I was feenin last night for some 69 action. I’ve yet to fuck in Central Park.  Day after day, I feel as if I’m wasting away. My sex life is bland right now. It’s because I’m getting really cautious. I rather spend nights alone not having sex than be with someone that keeps me unhappy.Writing will be my outlet until I find the right men(yep plural). Hopefully things will get better soon before it dries out and closes up.

Night after night, I’m still having a hard time falling asleep. My memories keep me calm and persistent to save myself for the right lovers. I’m spending Monday evening, late night reminiscing about a friend of mine from Delray.  I used to watch this particular dude for months, when I hit Blue Martini Boca for ladies night. I was in an extremely toxic relationship so I never approached  him. And, I was kind of intimidated because he was that sexy. Oh yeah, sometimes I’m intimidated by men. I get all tongue tied and I start laughing uncontrollably. Sometimes they try to talk to me and I take off in the other direction. But, that’s a topic for another blog.

Finally one night when I was out with my horrible ex –boyfriend, I say him again. This time, I was so drunk, that I wasn’t going to let him pass. I walked up behind him and said something cute. Hell, to this day, I can’t remember. But, we exchanged numbers to meet up later on in the week. Blue-eyes text me the next day and we planned to go out that night. We hit this club called Deluxe and danced the entire night. We had this kind of sexual energy going on. I was drunk, hot, and bothered. I hated my ex and I needed a good secret buddy; blue-eyes was perfect.  So I asked him to take me to Delray Beach so we can go skinny dipping. Of course, he grabbed my hand and led me out the club to his car.

The dark sky and the full moon dancing over the waves, created a perfect background. But, I froze up. Delray is not the most private beach.  He decided to get naked and show me his uhh, Norwegian W.M.D. My lawd! How long and thick was his stick! That’s rhetorical! Fortunately he had an amazing sensual apartment right across the street. We continued our private party in his shower.  His audition was going perfectly. He was the ideal candidate for a secret lover.  He released my mind from the nonsense going on in my relationship. We finished the night in his bed. He didn’t stop until morning. My thighs were still shaking, when he dropped me off to my car.

We kept in touch afterwards. He was always willing to give me what I needed, when I called him. And it wasn’t any judgment at all. He was always charming and sweet.He never asked about my ridiculous relationships or got too personal. We would see each other out, but we never got in each other’s way with a bunch of unnecessary drama. Even when he got into a serious relationship, we were cordial. That was over 2 years ago, and til this day he is still one of my good friends

After dinner, we stopped off to my favorite place.

He didn’t share my interest. But, he knew how much the paintings meant to me.

He also liked the sophisticated scene and the crowd it attracted

We walked from room to room admiring the artwork

Discussing each piece as I held his hand

He listened and smiled

giving his time and attention to support  one of my passions

While socializing, somehow, we lost each other in the crowd

ending up on opposite sides of the room.

I stared as he talked and laughed with the audience

Even when he’s tired from a long day, he’s charming and charismatic

I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. How handsome and brilliant he was

My man, and the things he does to make me happy

I was so turned on by just watching him

I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist, as he glared at the paintings

With every word I whispered, I kissed the back of his neck.

” My love, every part of me under this dress ; (kiss)

from the curves of my breast,(kiss)

to the sweetness, that’s warm and soft between my thighs, craves you(kiss)

My body under this dress, only responds to your touch. I want to make love to you tonight”

I grabbed his hand and led him out of the museum

I kissed him as he opened my car door

“You say what’s under your dress is mine,” He said

“Show me. I want to see what is mine”

I sat down in the car while he watched with the door open.

I bit my bottom lip, lifted my dress, and opened my legs

I could tell by his facial expression, he was pleased

I took him home , undressed him , and laid him down

I caressed his body until he was relaxed and calm

Then, I straddled him as he throbbed deep inside of me

I loved to take his hands and trace my body while I grind my hips

I leaned in closer my lips barely touching his.

I wanted to feel him tremble as he climaxed.

Afterwards, I laid in his arms until we fell asleep.

Tonight I made love to him, and it wasn’t about me.

I wanted him to know how much he meant to me

Sometimes he does selfless things to make me happy

without expecting anything in return

And It’s my pleasure, sometimes, to think of him and what he needs

before I consider myself.