Our beds,
Like a universe that is a calm medium
between the fiery worlds of the male and female

He could make me so angry at times
And, I would wait until Friday
Get all dressed up and step out on the town
That phone seemed to ring and ring
Until it gave up and died
I would twirl around that club
Intoxicated
One drink
Then two
Only keeping a slight portion of consciousness
Enough to guide me safely to his door

And he knew I would come
He holds my heart captive
Entangled in his spell
It’s like without him
I’m an empty shell
And when he kisses my lips
life begins
I can’t sleep if I’m not wrapped in his embrace
I creep into the room
He lies there pretending
He’s naked because he knows that bare image of him is my weakness
I undress hoping he’s watching
I crawl up and kiss his inner thigh
I lay my head there and close my eyes
Suddenly I forget my anger
I whisper “ I love you “
He opens his eyes and speaks
“prove it”

Our beds,
Like a universe that is a calm medium
between the fiery worlds of the male and female

I’m as bold with my tongue as I am with the technique of my sex
I lash a vicious weapon of words hoping to pierce his heart
His temper boils
He storms out enraged by the verbal abuse I inflict
He won’t answer my calls
ignores my texts
The tears role down my cheeks because I can’t stand for him to avoid me
Anyone else could do the same thing and it wouldn’t matter
but not him.
He enjoys his night out with the boys
laughing and flirting with other women
It’s 3 a.m. and I can’t sleep
without his hands between my legs and his breath on my neck
And he knows I’m waiting
I make sure that I’m wearing his favorite panties and perfume
He always likes to have something to take off
Makes him feel in control
And I know he’s coming over
His heart is here with me
intertwined in the vines of my love

He staggers in drunk
smiling
He begins to kiss down the curve of my body
His lips graze my ankle and I melt like sugar
He whispers I’m sorry
and I respond so am I
Sometimes we have the most intense make up sex
and I’m pleasured
But my favorite is those other times when he just falls asleep in my arms
And for me
That’s proof

 I never cared much for kissing. But I’ve never seriously been in love like this. The king and I spent a night alone while he was here. We had serious business to attend to. That business was me running away from him. I was fully dressed, make up, Louboutins , everything. Before we could make it to dinner, before I could make it out the door, He stripped me down naked and threw me on the bed. Maybe it was the 2 strawberry martini’s I drank, but I burst into tears. I rarely cry from love. But then again, when am I in love? He began to kiss me and it was like I felt something for the first time.

Have you ever mad love while crying. That shit has an effect on you, like your senses are heightened. I cried and it wasn’t not from pain but because I loved this person for real this time. However, I knew he couldn’t be the father of my children or even my husband. What could come from loving someone living a life that was contradictory from my own? But this man loved me the way I was. He embraced my sexuality, my feisty attitude , my bold somewhat naïve personality. We were phenomenal together. I was happy for once. Every time I was intimate with him, I made love to him. Afterwards, I lay in his arms and I felt safe. I knew he loved me in return. He was my protector and it felt good. Now, I had to let go

That night, he made love to me with everything he had in him. With each stroke, I let him know that it was his. It’s true what they say, sex is better when your heart is in it. My orgasm reached a new high. I wanted to give up and be his forever. I underestimated love or anything that has to do with it. The things I whispered in his ear while he was on top of me. I cried his name like it was the only word I knew. Why did this have to be so hard? God for once I wanted to give it all to a man. I didn’t care about the shit he had or what he’d done.

When we finally got to the airport, I told him it wasn’t over. But I knew it was for me. I realized I’m as sentimental as any other woman. I wanted a family with him. In his eyes I saw my children. But, was that actually possible?

I hurried back to Danny’s and called J to come over. They both held me while I cried. I don’t know what I would’ve done without them. He was the first real heartbreak. For the first time, I accepted reality.I haven’t fully recovered. I don’t know if I ever will.  At least, I have friends who care about me.

Because of Janet’s persistent sweet talking, I decided at the last minute to pack up and move to Manhattan. Even though it was the best decision to end my wild and scandalous love affair with the king, I couldn’t get him out of my mind. I was thinking of hooking up with other men before I left to get back to my normal bad girl ways. But, unfortunately, nothing happened. I left town carrying all of my emotions for him with me.

I never told him, I was leaving. I didn’t want him rushing over to my place and making a scene. I figured it would be easier on both of our hearts to tell him once I arrived in New York. During the trip, he continually called; but, I didn’t answer. Finally, I text him while lying in bed in my new place; “I’ve moved to Manhattan, goodbye. I love you.” He text back, “wtf are you talking about?” I never responded. It was hard enough leaving in the first place.

A week and a billion unanswered calls later, I received a text “I’m at Laguardia, come pick me up.” He actually came after me. Of course, I called him to confirm. He was extremely irate, so I asked Sandra and Janet to come with me. I left the girls in the taxi and went into the airport alone. As soon as he saw me, he grabbed me around the neck and said “you are out of your fucking mind!” I smiled, “Yep! I miss riding you” Seems that calmed him right down “Oh you’re riding this dick tonight, I guarantee that! Lets go!” he responded.

Finally, he met the girls. Just like me, they fell for his charm instantly. “You don’t look like any bad boys I know. You look innocent. Are you a wannabe?” said Sandra. “Oh you wanna find out tonight? First I’ll punish your girl, then you,” he responded. That was the beginning of my second fabulous weekend in New York.

We stopped at one of the bars on 3rd ave to have a drink. “First question, how the fuck are you gonna move to Manhattan and not tell me shit?” he asked. “Like, what the fuck are you thinking?” The entire table was completely silent. “ I thought it was best.” I responded, “I needed to move on.” In my mind, the real answer was, we need to move on before I end up pregnant. He and I aren’t married. And, at my age, I’m not having an abortion. Especially if I’m in love with the man. I wasn’t trying to put myself in that situation. As much as we made love, it was bound to end up that way. Especially since I was sincerely happy every moment we were together. I never was stressed out or depressed. I knew that out of love a child would be conceived. Honestly, he isn’t father material right now. Escaping Florida was the best way out. Besides, even at 31, I don’t think I’m ready to be a mother. It’s so much I haven’t done yet. And, the way L.S. is taking off, I don’t think I want to give that up. Also, we would have to be married before the baby’s born.

One of Sandra’s lovers called her and she soon left us. It was just he King, Janet, and I. We crashed at J’s place for the night. As soon as we walked in the door, the festivities began. I started with the music to set the scene while J opened the wine. I walked over to the large window facing Central Park, and begin to undress. “Lets take a hot shower together” I suggested. J lit the candles while I unbuttoned her shirt. Janet grabbed his hands and put them between her legs and I kissed his lips. Then, he followed us into the bathroom, and we got into the shower. We washed his body from head to toe. Too bad New York showers are the size of shoe boxes. It would’ve been nice to watch my best friend and my man make love under the running water. But, it was too uncomfortable, so we dried off and got into bed.

The night ended perfectly, lying next to my best friend with my man on top of me. We three made love until early the next morning. The remaining of the weekend we spent together enjoying the city. This was the perfect beginning of my life in Manhattan. A fresh start is what I needed. I feel privileged to have these people in my life to share the experience.