Absolutely wrong! I have to convince myself of that every time my heart’s broken or I don’t get the outcome that I desire from a relationship. It’s a tough battle to face, but every time I put up the fight! Sure, if I were thinner I would probably get me more attention, but that doesn’t mean I would be happy ever after. Heck, even thin girls have a hard time in the dating world! I know because most of my friends are thin and beautiful. We are all fighting the same battles and we need to remind ourselves that Mr. Right will love us for who we are today; not who we will be, or could be, or used to be. I’ve been asked to lose weight by men that I’ve dated, and one even went so far as to suggest surgery, but I don’t want to lose it for their acceptance. I want to do it because it’s a smart and healthy choice, not a requirement or condition of love.~ Curves in the City
Patricia Colli is the creator of Beutiful (www.beutifulmagazine.com), a website that sets out to crack stereotypes and banish labels and judgmental behavior. Beutiful is a project that encourages equal treatment of all people regardless of shape, size, age, sex, race, religion, etc. and encourages positive body image and self-esteem in order to improve the quality of life of individuals while challenging the media and societal norms. You can follow Beutiful on Facebook (www.facebook.com/beutifulmag), twitter (www.twitter.com/beutifulmag) and tumblr (www.beutifulmagazine.tumblr.com) or email Patricia at firstname.lastname@example.org.
HI, I’M BI (Part 1)
(A girl’s never-ending journey for acceptance and self-discovery)
Baby, I was born this way
Years and another long-term relationship later, I was 24 and single again – and determined to stay single for a long time. I knew that if I was going to finally answer this question, it was now or never. I no longer felt that I was only “attracted” to women. It never even crossed my mind that I might not like it – I was almost 100% sure I would. So when I was ready to move on, I favored the idea of being with a woman more than a man – and luckily, I got the opportunity.
I kissed a girl
She was a close friend, a wonderful woman. From the first day I met her, I felt an attraction to her even before I knew she liked women. We were friends for a while, but I always felt myself flirting and feeling magnetized to her. I was often thinking about hooking up with her, but unsure if it was the right thing to do considering I wasn’t a lesbian like she was. Our potential would be limited. But, my desires eventually got the best of me with the help of alcohol. The first time I kissed her, I noticed only a slight difference – for example, fuller lips compared to the guys I had kissed. But the same lust, paired with the excitement of doing something new, was ignited just the same. My body responded to women easily and I was finally getting my answer. I could definitely do this.
I felt like I should have been uncomfortable, but I really wasn’t. I was extremely at ease, but I was lucky – I had awesome, open-minded and mature friends. My biggest worry was how my close girlfriends would feel. I was always the “questionable” friend, but I don’t think anyone looked too much into it. Some of them weren’t surprised at all when they found out. I didn’t really tell anyone besides the friends I was closest to – the ones who would see me with my new lover. Did this mean my roommate would feel weird about our sexual but completely platonic jokes? Would girlfriends feel weird sleeping in a bed with me if they stayed over after partying? Of course, my male friends were more curious and wanted to talk to me about it more than my female friends (and I mostly kept my lips sealed, to their disappointment), but overall the response was supportive. We were all adults by now. Had I still been in high school, I might have had a much harder time and my heart goes out to younger people struggling to identify themselves.
Popping the cherry
The first time was a blur. I knew it was going to happen that particular night. I will never forget how amateur I felt, trying to find the right spots…while completely fascinated. Even though I was clumsy and unfamiliar, there was something about it that felt so natural. I think the first thing I said was, “This is SO cool.” Yup – like a virgin in absolute moment-to-moment awe.
Around 1 am, I think we finally left the house in search for a place that was open considering dinner never happened. I felt so fucking open. We were walking down South Street and I had this huge scarf around my neck, hiding a very obnoxious bruise. I didn’t want to wear it, though. I wanted to expose myself to everyone. I wanted to show them what they were missing.
That was the first time I held her hand in public. Walking with her, I never felt so free in my life. I felt like everything society had ever told me in my life was wrong and I had just unlocked the secret to life. I remember two drunk girls seeing us and screaming in approval about the fact that we were “together.” Absolute electricity was running through me. It was like the world embraced me and I was at the center of my exploding being. This was just the beginning of what would become some very fond memories. I couldn’t have asked for a better first partner…patient, instructional and understanding. She asked me how I felt after. I said, “Awesome.” I never stopped feeling awesome.
I continued to interact with her sexually for a few more months. I’m extremely thankful and I regard the whole experience as completely wonderful. It felt like I had broken through and exposed a whole new side to myself that was always there but never utilized. It felt really good to release that.
I want to give you some background. I am a woman that was in a mentally abusive relationship for 5 years. I was manipulated, controlled, lied to… I was always at fault (in his head anyway), and even when I knew that he was, and demanded an apology, I never heard ‘I’m sorry’ uttered from his mouth.
You may ask why I am telling you this. Partly, because I want you to know my story. Partly because if you are a woman in a similar relationship, I want you to know you are not alone. You can get out, and there really is life after – and not all men are scum (believe me, it took me a while for my faith in the opposite sex to return).
I need to say, to all men like him that may be reading this blog right now. You may have her trapped at the moment – all but bound and gagged – but there comes a time when a woman realizes…. A man like you… Well your not really a man at all. Eventually she will realize she DESERVES BETTER. All you do is make her believe that she is weak. But one day, she will wake up and realize you really have no power over her. You have only limited her potential. In all possible ways. Mentally, sexually, physically – you may think you have a slave for life… But she will see that you are the one that is weak. That you only control her to make yourself feel better about the weak man you are. I know this, because I lived it. And I knew you. You think that you break us – that you have trained us and conditioned us. But when all you do is try to control and brainwash a woman, well, I have news for you…. There is a ticking time bomb, and it will go off. You will loose her. All she needs is a little empowerment. It may come from friends and family, but I also may come from you yourself.
The last straw for me was when he tried to separate me from my family. He told me they didn’t live me – over something EXTREMELY STUPID! That was it – he could never make me believe that…. And at that point, it was over. I was done. It wasn’t an easy decision (you see, I never thought I would be able to find anyone ever again – I learned that wasn’t the important thing). But I made the decision, and it was like a blanket lifted from my head – all the lies, the deceit – everything he used to cloud my vision of him – it was gone. And I saw him for who he really was. A weak lowlife. He would never be able to experience true happiness. He would just move onto the next girl, and I suspect (unless he has some grand life changing revaluation), he will wind up old and alone.
In some ways, I guess I hope he will open his eyes someday. Not for him. But for the next girl, and the next girl. Cuz he won’t stop. He is as bad as an addict.
So, while this isn’t lighthearted, I tell you this now for many reasons. It may open some guys eyes. But more so, I want women to know that there is more. You can be happy. I have moved on, I became free. I am now engaged to a wonderful man. And I am more free with him than anyone I have ever been with. I learned what a real man was by seeing what a real man could never be. I am liberated.
Marriage and Keeping Sex Fresh and Exciting (Long-Term Love is not the end of intimacy) By Jazz Lynn
There is something to be said about the beginning of a new relationship. There is so much mystery, so many firsts – the first glance, will he approach you, or will you approach him? Will you be coy, play hard to get? Flirting, the first kiss, the first time he grabs you with passion as if he can’t let go, the first time he takes you to bed, the way you can still feel him in you when you think about last nights encounter…
So why get into a long-term relationship? Why get engaged and plan a wedding? Why get married? This pretty much cancels any chance for anymore firsts, right?
I thought that way at one point. I have had more than a few relationships where the firsts were gone and the sexuality fizzled. I remember even asking one of my ex-boyfriends ‘what do you enjoy more? The beginning or being in the thick of the relationship?’ He said the beginning actually stressed him because there were too many questions. Needless to say, he got boring and it didn’t last long.
I always loved the beginning. But if you ask me if I would trade my fiancé for a chance at a new beginning, the answer is a resounding NO! Because we keep things fresh, for one – I still get silly as a schoolgirl when he snatches me unexpectedly and holds me tight while he kisses me – and by the intensity of his kiss I can feel his passion, too!
But there is also something to be said about the stability he gives me. The support when things are bad or when decisions have to be made – he stands by me, and I by him. There is something undeniably sexy about this man that wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I am more open, in every way, because there is this trust between us. In fact, I find him sexier now, because I know I can trust him.
After the experiences I have had with horrible, mundane and incompatible men, finding someone that just fits with me – and I don’t even have to try? – well this is what I never thought existed.
Falling in love didn’t mean we got boring, or we were doomed to fall into a cycle of dullness – falling in love (and let me stress, with HIM) meant I would have someone that would make me laugh, that would be there when I need him, would take me as I am and would make me feel like I deserve to feel every day!
When we started dating, and he took his shirt off for the first time, we were about to make love, and I thought I was looking at a Greek God – I felt like Emma Stone’s character in ‘Crazy, Stupid, Love’ when Ryan Gosling took his shirt off! But, the thing is, every day – even almost three years into our relationship – he makes ME feel like a GODESS! He treats me with respect and dignity. He is nothing but honest with me. He still looks at me with the love, hunger and desire that he did a month in.
Just as much as my boyfriend before him showed me the ways the male sex can be so weak, my fiancé has shown me the true strength in manhood – he doesn’t control me, he doesn’t force his beliefs on me, he doesn’t belittle me in from of his friends or mine, he doesn’t ridicule me, he doesn’t act like he owns me. Instead he opens doors for me, let’s me make decisions that I need to make for me, teams with me for decisions we make for ourselves and each other, supports me in good and bad, respects my friends and respects me in front of his, and because of this, he HAS ME, heart, soul and body!
~By Jazz Lynn
One thing we haven’t stopped doing since the fiancé and I started dating is just that – dating.
I know it sounds cliche and obvious, but it’s true. Once your living together or spend a ton of time together, it’s easy for the dates to decrease or disappear all together. Life gets in the way, and suddenly the time you used to make sure you set aside for each other gives way for the things that frankly are not as important (or sometimes are important, but take away from what you had in the beginning).
The key, though, is not to just consider a regular dinner in front of the TV or watching your favorite weekly sitcom a date. The point is to get out of routine…. Even when I decide to cook him a nice dinner at home, I dress up as I might for a night on the town, and get myself made-up and do my hair. It’s one thing to cook a meal. It’s another to see him walk in the door and as soon as he sees you, he gives you that playful look that he knows what you have planned, and dinner is just the beginning!
Whether you stay in for a romantic night, or do dinner and a movie, a coffee date, or any number of things, make sure you dress the part like you would have when you were dating in the beginning – wear something that you feel sexy in – trust me, if you feel sexy, his mind will go there. Your mood, your confidence, will generally guide the evening. Play coy, flirt, and talk – seriously, so many couples forget to just talk and communicate these days. Maybe as dessert or the last drink at dinner is served, lean over and tell him what you want to do to him when you get home (or to the bedroom, if your already home).
Another idea – have a picnic in your back yard – if you have a privacy fence (or not, depending on how kinky you are and if you care if your neighbors catch a glimpse) the bedroom may not be required at all 😉
Don’t let the night end without a little romp – I know my man really wants only one thing – to know I desire him. So to make sure he knows, I follow through on all the dirty little ideas I planted in his head throughout the date.
Obviously every date will not end in sex. Similarly you don’t need date nights to have sex. But taking the time to let him know he is special – and keeping the spark that started your relationship to begin with… That helps keep the flame alive!