The Attack of the Depressed Vagina

 

My vagina and I are not speaking. She is  fed up with me and my bullshit! She can’t take any more so so sexcapades and she really hasn’t been happy since we made the big move 3 years ago to Boca Raton.  Yes Mr. Chicago handles business but my Va- juhge  needs a local service. She gets hungry late nights and wants to call for delivery. However, there hasn’t been any top quality delivery services if you get what I’m saying. For those slow people, she needs to be seriously fucked on a weekly basis. And let’s not mention that horrible phase when  I was into hobbit fucking. Along with most of my friends, she will not let me forget about my nasty fetish for abnormally short men.

Ever since I turned 30, my sex drive is in over drive. I might be getting older but my need for hot kinky sweaty sex is stronger than ever. Hell there might one day be snow on the mountain top, but there will always be fire in the valley. I usually can control Miss V. with my trusty J.R. (jack rabbit) but my depressed vagina will not give him the time of day lately. She wants to cheat on him as much as possible.  I don’t want her to be worn out so I won’t let her come out to play but once or twice a month. She still has her youthful constriction and I want her to stay that way. Nobody wants grandma bottomless abyss! And I definitely don’t want her to catch something that she can’t get rid of from some weirdo I met in a night club. Yeah night clubs are like playgrounds. You can let your kitty play but you never know what she might catch from the others playing . There’s never been a trace of illness, she is extremely healthy. Every year, she passes her physical with flying colors. A girl has to be extremely cautious these days.

Queen V is really a bitch. I mean the mood swings she causes me to have. One minute I’m happy and laughing, the next minute I’m ready to throw myself off the balcony. She makes me crave chocolate all day long. I have chocolate chip cookies stashed under my bed. She instigates arguments, causing me to go off on people and most of the time I’m ready to kill.  Especially when I finally get the nerve to call a friend who promises to help us out and we make the trip over to his house wee hours in the morning; but when he starts trying to have a meaningful conversation for more than 10 minutes, she throws a nasty fit. I have to hear her snide comments “yeah only you would try to fuck Mr. Motor Mouth Magee who wants to blah blah blah on and on at 3 a.m. Fucking idiot!” Finally I seduce him enough to put something in her to shut her up for at least 15 minutes. But I can count on the bitch’s remarks afterwards “that’s it? You brought me way over here for that shit? I could’ve stayed home!” And please don’t let me have an incident where I run into a small penis. She just laughs like “for real,  you gotta be kidding me! What in the fuck am I supposed to do with that?” Oh and let’s talk about the encounters with the younger men. I can hear her now like ” little boy I have panties older than you!” And she doesn’t like her behavior to be spread all over the city; and younger men talk a lot!

Janet recommends a joint or two to calm her down. She says it works for her Vah- JJ between sex sessions. At this point, I’m willing to try anything. I’ve generally use alcohol, but the effect wears off way too fast. What’s a girl to do with a delinquent rebellious coochie that has decided to go on strike until situations improve? She won’t even negotiate. She’s behaving like a real cunt!  I understand her depression, she feels as if we are at the age where we should only be with the best. The substitutes are useless. And the good men that know how she likes it, I can’t get along with because they want to own her; and my pussy doesn’t like to be bossed around.

My cooch does all the shopping and test driving. My heart and mind take her opinion very seriously. If she doesn’t like it, then 9 times out of 10 neither will they. Honestly my cooch is like a door man at the hottest club in the city. If she doesn’t like you and won’t let you in; then you’ll never get to dance or romance my emotions. I’m looking for the full package now a days, even for friendship. Hopefully we can end this drought of unhappiness soon or it might just be the end of my sanity!

 

LOVE MISSIN

I  miss love

So badly That last night

I set my bed on fire

It was sexless and lonely

So I felt it should no longer be subjected to misery

I slept in the ashes hoping to experience

Something

I’m to blame

My loveless existence is my own self infliction

I’ve replace the feeling of ecstasy between my thighs

With irrelevant games of chase

sarcastic hellos

and witty goodbyes

I remember Fridays night

When the chase ended with

intoxicated bedroom behavior

I just barley exist

 I’ve lost my attraction to the dick

I’ve  forgotten the art of  making love

Or

fucking even

There is a drought this season.

No signs of summer rain

Just boys of summer

Who are clueless to the concept of pleasing a woman.

All the city has to offer

What’s a wild night

When love is missin

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