I never cared much for kissing. But I’ve never seriously been in love like this. The king and I spent a night alone while he was here. We had serious business to attend to. That business was me running away from him. I was fully dressed, make up, Louboutins , everything. Before we could make it to dinner, before I could make it out the door, He stripped me down naked and threw me on the bed. Maybe it was the 2 strawberry martini’s I drank, but I burst into tears. I rarely cry from love. But then again, when am I in love? He began to kiss me and it was like I felt something for the first time.

Have you ever mad love while crying. That shit has an effect on you, like your senses are heightened. I cried and it wasn’t not from pain but because I loved this person for real this time. However, I knew he couldn’t be the father of my children or even my husband. What could come from loving someone living a life that was contradictory from my own? But this man loved me the way I was. He embraced my sexuality, my feisty attitude , my bold somewhat naïve personality. We were phenomenal together. I was happy for once. Every time I was intimate with him, I made love to him. Afterwards, I lay in his arms and I felt safe. I knew he loved me in return. He was my protector and it felt good. Now, I had to let go

That night, he made love to me with everything he had in him. With each stroke, I let him know that it was his. It’s true what they say, sex is better when your heart is in it. My orgasm reached a new high. I wanted to give up and be his forever. I underestimated love or anything that has to do with it. The things I whispered in his ear while he was on top of me. I cried his name like it was the only word I knew. Why did this have to be so hard? God for once I wanted to give it all to a man. I didn’t care about the shit he had or what he’d done.

When we finally got to the airport, I told him it wasn’t over. But I knew it was for me. I realized I’m as sentimental as any other woman. I wanted a family with him. In his eyes I saw my children. But, was that actually possible?

I hurried back to Danny’s and called J to come over. They both held me while I cried. I don’t know what I would’ve done without them. He was the first real heartbreak. For the first time, I accepted reality.I haven’t fully recovered. I don’t know if I ever will.  At least, I have friends who care about me.